Carter Jay Ryan

God is good!!

2009-04-14T15:25:00.003-05:00

What an unbelievable testimony Carter will have some day. The Lord God Almighty has done mighty things in Carter's life and I will forever praise His name.
Carter's appointment went fairly well but the results were wonderful. NO CANCER!!! The scan was clear.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a dream going to doctors appointments getting scans to see if his tumor has returned, I wish all kids could have this happy of a story. The battle with cancer can be so horrible but for Carter it has been everything but that, I am so amazed at what the Lord has done in our lives. I was told again yesterday that most kids with neuroblastoma don't have this happy of a story. This type of cancer is rarely found early and rarely diagnosed without having to go through chemo. Rejoice, again I say Rejoice! Thank you Jesus.
Carter had a crazy reaction to the sleepy medicine they gave him. They give him enough medicine to calm him and make him lay still but not to fall asleep. The scan went fine and he did great but as soon as he started to come out of his daze he was a wild man. It was the most absolutely horrible experience in my life. To say he threw a temper tantrum would be an understatement. Carter threw the BIGGEST fit for 25 minutes and nothing we did would calm him. He would scream for a cracker and then throw the cracker on the floor, he was throwing everything, thrashing, crying, kicking...horrible. Then as quick as he started he was done and playing and back to cute Carter. Mike doesn't usually go to the appointments with me because he usually has to stay home so I think Carter was just making sure his daddy had a great time...HA!
Oh, the best part, we don't have to go back for 6 months!!! After that fit I was very grateful to hear that, I don't want to experience that again anytime soon.

Thank you for all of your prayers and support during the last 11 1/2 months. (Can you believe this journey has been going on for almost a year?)

FIVE!

2009-04-12T22:20:00.003-05:00

I can't believe Evan is 5 years old today! Where have the last 5 years gone? We had a wonderful day celebrating Easter, Jesus is risen!! and Evan's birthday with my family. I can't believe how fast kids grow up Carter will be 2 before we know it.

Evan,
Your mom and dad love you so much and praise Jesus for you everyday. You are such a gift. While we don't want you to grow up we can't wait to see the life God has planned for you. We love when you tell us stories about Jesus, watch you play soccer and love on your little brother. You are such a good friend to your friends at pre-school and day care. You are tender hearted and wild spirited. We love you and hope you had a great 5th birthday!

Yes I am aware that it has been 3 months since I have updated, just not sure what to write lately. I guess I had writers block...HA! I can't believe people are still reading this.

My last post was from Carter's last check up and it is already time for another one. I have done much better not worrying about this check up as much but to say not at all would be a lie. I have decided that God will take care of us no matter what and I just need to give it to Him and trust Him. This has left me in a much better mood than constant fear.

We could still use your prayers for peace and that everything will go smoothly. I am praying that they won't have to sedate him for the Cat-scan and that we won't have to have another appointment for 6 months.

Carter is getting to be such a big boy and a little stinker. He is so much fun. He is as graceful as his mother and if you know me then you know that's not a good thing! In February he bit all the way through his lip and took his first trip to the ER, pretty scary for mom but not for him. They glue the outside of his lip and he was as good as new. He tries to do everything Evan does and isn't afraid of anything. It is so fun to watch his personality develop, he is such a joy!

Hoping you all had a wonderful Easter and looking forward to sharing good news with you tomorrow.

Good news!!

2009-01-20T11:54:00.004-06:00

As the title says we got good news at Carter's appointment yesterday, however we need your prayers. His scan was clear for any signs of a tumor. YEAH!!!! Praise the Lord. I debated on posting the next part or not but I feel we really need every ones prayers. When the doctor came into to tell us the results of the scan she also did an exam on Carter, just normal stuff. He was sitting on my lap and when she got to the lymph nodes under his left arm she asked me to lay him on the exam table. Then she kept feeling around under that arm, after what felt like an eternity I told her she was scaring me and asked what she was doing. She explained that she felt a bump, but it wasn't what a normal swollen lymph node or tumor would feel like and she thought it was just his muscle but she wanted to make sure, that's why she kept pressing around on it. Then she said we could do an ultrasound to make sure it was nothing. At that point I just wanted to fall down on the floor and start screaming. I just kept thinking "I knew it, I just knew it was going to come back." (I know, I know, I am such an optimistic positive person, ha ha NOT) Then she said "Oh wait, I know the CT scan when up to his neck so I will just go back and look at the scan and talk to the radiologist." So after a few minutes she comes back to tell us it was nothing, there was nothing on the scan and the radiologist didn't see anything abnormal either. I did feel a little relieved, but still very scared. In the back of my mind I keep thinking it is nothing now, but it might be next time. So, that's why I posted that part so all of you can pray. Please pray for my peace of mind, I just do not feel as relieved as I normally do after these appointments. Also pray for Carter that it really is nothing and we don't find something at his next appointment. He will go back in 3 months, so April and we will do another scan. I really hope I am not a basket case for the next 3 months.
This appointment was thus far the hardest one for me mentally, I'm not sure why but I have just been a mess and maybe that's why I'm having a hard time bouncing back from it.
I did want to let every one know that the test itself went REALLY smooth yesterday. Carter barely cried when they did the IV, it only took one try, he went to the bathroom fairly quickly for the urine test, we didn't have to wait for a long time like usual, and he only whimpered a second during the scan because it startled him when the table started moving :) That in itself is a huge praise. It was by far our best appointment up until the doctor came in.
Thank you all for your prayers.

The following is a song that has become our theme song. The words really speak to me and just remind me that everything we have gone through is going to be OK no matter how it turns out because we have hope and faith in Jesus.

Hope Now by Addison Road

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

And everything rides on hope now
And everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

Big Event!!

2009-01-18T17:17:00.002-06:00

Sorry it has been so long since I have updated. I planned on writing a post before Christmas, and well that didn't happen. Then I was going to write on New Years day about how I hope 2009 is a much better year for the Ryan family and well, that didn't happen either. Then I was going to post some prayer requests for Carter's appointment tomorrow and figured I better do that now since it is almost to late!
New Years was a great reflecting time for me. I was very emotional thinking back on the past year of all we went through and how gracious God was. I never underestimate the miracle that Carter is and what a blessing it was to find his cancer before it was to late. Those two weeks in May went by so fast however it was truly a living nightmare. It was something we never expected and wish no one ever has to go through. However, I am so grateful how quickly everything happened and how fast Carter was NED (no evidence of disease).
The past few weeks have been really hard on me. Carter's appointment in tomorrow, Jan. 19 and I can't even begin to explain how I have felt. I can't wait for it to be over with. I am so nervous and fearful. I just can't bear to think of the what ifs. Even when I think I am doing OK in trusting God and not worrying something so small will sneak in and away my mind goes.
I pray that as time passes these appointments get easier and not harder. I do worry a little about Carter getting an IV and the sedation but that doesn't bother me near as much as the results of the tests. So please pray for us tonight and tomorrow. I will let you know ASAP.
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Now as the title suggests I have news of a big event!! Are you ready to know what it is?

Get your running/walking shoes on and start training for:

1st Annual Carter Ryan Run For Life
May 2, 2009

That's right folks, in the big metropolis of Bolivar we are hosting a run/walk benefiting Relay for Life of Polk County in honor of Carter. May 2, happens to be the one year anniversary of finding out Carter had a tumor. This will be a 5k run/walk, half-marathon and marathon.
I AM SOOOO EXCITED!!!
When I ran my first race in December, I thought it would be so much better to do a race for a cause and not just for "fun" because seriously, its not all that fun. I began thinking of several groups I would like to run for but set my mind on American Cancer Society. I really hope this will be a big event and if you are anywhere close to Bolivar you should try to come. If you are interested let me know by commenting and I will get the info to you. To make it even more exciting, I will be running the half-marathon. Oh I can't believe I just wrote that, that means I have to now that I made the announcement.

I look forward to sharing how the progress in planning this event and my training goes.
Sometimes I have a hard time writing on here because I often wonder if anyone still reads this blog. If you are reading this, then please comment and let me know. You can be anonymous, I'm just curious.

Not Me Monday!

2009-01-12T07:00:00.001-06:00

Traci, This is for you!

I haven't posted in a long time and I will catch everyone up to date in a different post but for now its time for not me! Monday. I am a mom, as you already know, and while I like to think I do everything just right, we all mess up from time to time and do things that we would like to deny. Not me! Monday is a place I can share the things that a perfect mom would certainly NOT do and then post them on our blog because NOT admitting to these things is just so freeing and not to mention funny. So feel free to write about the things you didn't do on your blog or tell me about them in the comments. I promise you will feel better when your done.

I did not let Carter play with 2 tooth brushes and running water while sitting on the bathroom sink when I took a shower yesterday. That would not be safe and I would never do anything to put my children in harms way.

I did not cry until I couldn't breath last week more than once because I am worried about Carter's upcoming check-up. I have faith that he will be just fine, so I would not do that, in fact I'm not worried at all! Nope not me, I'm cool as a cucumber.

I did not take a nap at 6:30 p.m. while Mike took the children to church by himself. I would never do that and why would anyone take a nap that late at night?

I did not plan a big event and have still not told all of you about it. I am so excited about this and I would never keep my blog readers in the dark about something this way cool. (I promise more on this event that I am not planning will be coming soon)

I did not run 3.8 miles yesterday because I am lazy and so not a runner. I also did not sign-up for my second race this week and do not have plans already for a 3rd and 4th race!

After I did not run the above mentioned 3.8 miles I did not come home and decide a perfect post run snack would be ice cream. They would be so stupid and defeat the whole purpose for running. I am so glad I didn't do that.

Mike bought me a cookie cake for my birthday and I did not eat half of it in one day. That would be so gross and make me feel sick for the whole next day. (Oh, maybe that's why I didn't go to church last night)

Speaking of birthday, I did not and I never do act like the world should stop on my birthday. That would be selfish and I never do anything selfish.

I did not do this post just for my friend Traci, so she would quit bugging me about it.

Oh wow, well I think that is enough things I did not do and hopefully I will try and post again next week. I do plan on doing a different post soon since I missed Christmas, New Year, have some prayer requests, and possibly something really exciting!!

Mommy and Daddy's first race!!

2008-12-06T13:14:00.004-06:00

Seriously people, my mom and dad are crazy! My mommy has been running in the cold for weeks now only to get up and run outside on a cold day! I can't believe my daddy did it too, he is really crazy! I need to take a nap so I will let my mommy tell you all about it. ~Carter

Mike and I ran in our first race ever this morning! I still can't believe we really did it. Back in September my friend Katie and I joked about participating in the YMCA Holiday Run, and today we really did it. Katie and I tied running 3.1 miles in 32:18. I'm not going to the Olympics or anything but I think that's a pretty good time for our first race. And considering we never ran more than 2.5 miles before today! I was pretty sure after 15 minutes I was going to die, but Katie kept telling me I was fine and sure enough I am. I already want to sign up for another one. I want to do a race that benefits kids with cancer, so if anyone knows of one in Missouri let me know. I had my friend Rachel take pictures for me today, they are not great but it is proof. Have a great weekend.

Katie and Me before the race, I was really excited for some stupid reason.

The start

Katie and Me finishing strong!

I almost forgot to tell you all what a great wife I am! Mike was pretty far behind us and when I could see him coming I went and met him and ran with him to the finish line.

So Thankful

2008-11-27T08:34:00.002-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have so much to be thankful for this year it makes me emotional. I will never be thankful that Carter got cancer, but I will always be thankful for God's grace and all the ways He provided during that rough time. We are so thankful for all of the wonderful doctors that Carter has/had, the way everything was over so quickly, and the many family members and friends that walked with us loving, encouraging, and praying for us. How wonderful that our little boy is with us and didn't have to have chemo and will be able to celebrate many many more Thanksgivings with us. When we look back at the day we were told Carter had a tumor and the days following, we are so amazed at the way God held us in His hands and took care of us. Yes we were emotional, and yes it was hard, but with God we made it and are now stronger because of it.
I am so thankful to all of you who prayed for Carter and us and who helped us through the nightmare. Thank you!
Hope you have a great day full of thanks!

I can't believe I did it!

2008-11-14T18:32:00.000-06:00

WOW! I am finally posting. Where have I been? I'm not even sure. Apparently the Ryan's have been very busy. I wanted to post on November 1, that I can't believe 6 months have flown by since our sweet Carter was diagnosed with cancer. 6 months!! Can you believe it? I sometimes think my life stopped on May 1st, so its hard to believe its November, and well now its the middle of November and I haven't posted on anything in a LONG time. (OK sorry for rambling)

I can't believe I did it! What did I do you ask? Well, I cut Carter's hair. Yes, Yes, I know, WHAT hair? I was well aware that the child did not have very much hair, but the stringy fuzz in the back was driving me crazy and last week I couldn't take it any more. Most people can't even tell a difference, but I can and that all that counts! Right? I will probably keep his hair trimmed nice and short until it gets a little thickness to it. I am sure that some day he will not look bald anymore. Maybe by the time he turns 2. Here are some before and after pictures, like I said there is not much of a difference.

If you look close and squint, you will see the long hair on the right side of his precious head!

Whew! Look at all that long fuzz!!

My big brave boy sat there so good and still for his mommy!

I told you he had a lot of extra hair.

So much better! Isn't he handsome?

Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-25T14:46:00.002-05:00

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. Don't ridicule me because I thought the pumpkin patch was expensive. I AM CHEAP!!! We loved it and had a great time, but we don't have a lot of extra money and I like things we can do for free. So please no more anonymous comments about how it was great for the price and how it wasn't that expensive. WE ARE POOR!!!

We went to a pumpkin patch last Saturday and the kids had a great time. I was a little disappointed at first with the price to get in, and I'm still not sure it was worth it, but it is good to get out of the house sometimes no matter the price.

Enjoy some cute pictures of the boys. I LOVE the beautiful fall weather we have been having. I love the falling leaves, cooler weather, fun family time and good fall comfort food (soups and chili).

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Carter is talking!
I can't get over how many words Carter says. This could be a whole other post, but I mean really we know I won't post again anytime soon.

Bye=Bye Bye
Ah Bah=Evan (he usually is yelling his name, its pretty cute)
baw=ball
eat=eat (pretty plainly said, the boy loves to eat)
tank ewe=thank you
peas=please
lmo=Elmo (see picture above in Elmo jacket)
uh oh=Uh Oh
NOO=No (usually when we are trying to get him to do something or at his brother, very loud and clear)
puppee=puppy (he loves to give love to his stuffed animals and they are all called puppee no matter what they really are)
uck=duck
hunk hunk =honk honk/nose
toes=toes

up a=up
eye=eye

As you can tell our boy is a genius!

Sounds for a dog, pig, cow, duck, and just about any other animal sounds like a quack. That is his only animal sound.

It doesn't seem possible that he is big enough to talk to us. He is also getting big enough to throw fits! Fun fun times ahead.

Not Me Monday!

2008-10-20T07:11:00.004-05:00

I did not stand at the time clock at work for one minute so I could get another quarter of an hour pay, that would be so ridiculous and I don't have time to do things like that.

I did not work out longer than usual just so I could go to Dairy Queen.

I did not eat a DQ blizzard while watching The Biggest Loser.

I did not check McMama's blog during church yesterday because I had not checked on her since Friday. Seriously, who would do something like that.

I did not laugh at Carter while he pouted because I was holding Evan and not him. Carter is SO jealous.

I did not eat a hamburger and cheesy french fries at Steak N Shake at 10 p.m. That would be so bad for me and I am a healthy girl!

I did not go running yesterday. My ankle has only been better for 2 weeks and running would be stupid and way to soon.

To see more Not Me Monday's visit Mckmama.

Not Me Monday!

2008-10-13T16:52:00.005-05:00

Time to share things I have not done this week. To see more Not Me Mondays! go to MckMama's blog.

I did not pull out a LONG gray hair out of my chin. I am way to young to have chin hair.

I did not fall asleep while Carter played in his crib and Evan played in the living room way to late in the afternoon because then I would not have slept well last night. And while I did not sleep Evan did not ask me if he needed to be more quiet.

I did not make chocolate chip cookies at 10 p.m.

I did not feed my 4 year old dinner at 8:45 p.m. then immediately put him to bed, that is way too late for a child to eat and that is irresponsible. No, not me.

I did not almost cry when a friend told me she bought a St. Jude pumpkin at our local store in honor of Carter.

I did not cry and call the allergist that Carter saw bad names the whole rest of the day after meeting that jerk. I am a nice Christian girl and I wouldn't do something like that.

Visit MckMama to read other not so truthful posts or try one of your own.

All Clear!!

2008-10-04T20:42:00.003-05:00

Carter has been too busy to update his blog so please forgive him! Yesterday went fairly well all things considered. Our wonderful nurse (the one we always get, she is our favorite) was able to get Carter's IV on the first try. It took a while to get the blood for the allergy test and make sure it was good, but still only one poke. Once he started crying because of the IV he was pretty whiny the rest of the day. My grandma and I didn't have trouble spoiling and babying him. The CT came back clear!!! It is such a relief to hear those words come out of the doctor's mouth. I was nervous yesterday but I never realize how much until I can breath a sigh of relief. The doctor also mentioned that after a year we might go to chest x-rays only so he isn't getting all the radiation from the CT scan, and because (her words) his chance of recurrence is so low. I have heard her say that before but to hear it again was wonderful. I love his doctor because she is so encouraging.
We had a fun day at the zoo today, Carter enjoyed being outside and looking at everything. I had some sort of miraculous healing in my ankle. Its a little tender but I can walk on it just fine with out a brace or anything. After a long day at the zoo it doesn't hurt at all! I am really excited about this. I hate being a gimp.
We will be going home tomorrow. I know Mike misses us, he hates when his family is gone.
Thanks for the prayers.

Allergist

2008-10-02T15:14:00.002-05:00

It would be an understatement to say the allergist was a jerk. By the end of the appointment I came to the conclusion that he really is a good allergist but has very little people skills. It would also be an understatement to say I cry easily, and with that being said the allergist made me cry because he was so rude. I m very sensitive when it comes to my children and them having exczema. I have always done everything that doctors tell me and Mike and I try hard to make sure neither of them are itchy. Last week when I took Evan to the dermatologist he said I was doing everything I could and Evan's skin looked good and breakouts are normal for kids with eczema. Well according to our allergist today (apparently he is the best person in the world, his feelings not mine) that guy was wrong. So who do I believe. I have had so many opinions by so many professionals and I'm just frustrated. I have dealt with exczema for more than 4 years and heard a lot of new information today. Not to say the doctor was wrong or crazy and I know everything because I know I don't, but why after 4 years do I hear information contradicting everything I have heard for the last 4 years. Apparently the only thing I am doing right is using All free and clear laundry detergent. I quit using Dove soap about a month ago because I felt like it was drying out the boys' skin. Well Dr. Smarty pants thought that was stupid since its a moisturizer. I have been told by our current pediatrician ( and I really hope she reads this only because I know he would have gotten her all fired up) that I need to use Eucerin cream on them twice a day. I think this lotion has really helped however, Dr. Know-it-all says it can make excezma worse and I should quit using it. He says I need to use plain Vaseline, which I am fine with because it is MUCH cheaper than the other.
This Dr. was just making me feel like everything I have been told is wrong, and that is very frustrating to a parent that wants nothing more than to do what is right for her kiddos.
Dr. Perfect was very disgusted with the blood allergy test results from our Dr. because he says the Lab they use does a different kind of test and its (of course) much better than the lab my Dr. uses. So they are just going to run another blood allergy test and after he explained all of this to me it really did make sense, and I was glad Carter did not have to have the pokey skin test. He was saved from any poking today, and when we go tomorrow to the oncologist they will draw his blood for this test when they put in an IV. That was the best thing that Dr. said all day.
Oh yeah and I almost forgot to tell you about the milk issue. Apparently if a child is truly allergic to cow's milk (OK so is the Dr. trying to call me a liar) he would also be allergic to goat's milk because it is virtually the same. I'm sorry the last time I checked cow's and goat's were two totally different animals. So Dr. Crazy thinks we should switch from our free goat's milk to not free soy milk. Which honestly if it is better for my baby than I don't really care how much it cost but if this is just his educated guess then yes I have a problem with it.
Sorry for the long boring post, but as you can tell this guy frustratd me.
I wasn't too nervous about tomorrow until today so please be praying that everything will go smooth and we won't be surprised by any bad news. Thank you all for your support.

In all things God works for the good.

2008-09-29T18:20:00.003-05:00

(2nd post of the day)

Romans 8: 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Last Tuesday I posted about all of Carter's allergies and that we had to go see an allergist. I got a call that said his appointment was Thursday, October 2, in St. Louis. Great, they got us in so quick. Oh wait, bad, his oncologist appointment is October 10, that means 2 separate trips to St. Louis 2 weeks in a row. Not so good! I would have done it and it would have been OK but not really looking forward to the expense that comes with 2 trips to St. Louis. So I called the allergist to reschedule and we were looking at March, umm no thank you. So then I called the oncologist hoping they could move his appointment up, but I was very doubtful. Well they called the next day and lo and behold they moved his appointment to Friday October 3!! Yeah! I love it when things work out like that. So we will be going to St. Louis on Wednesday and Carter will see the allergist on Thursday and have a CT on Friday.

I am dreading the allergist appointment because at this time I am still going alone. My grandma told me she is going to win. So I will need lots of prayers that Carter won't hate me when this is all said and done.

If you read my Not Me! Monday post, you would know I am on crutches. I had been exercising with one of my friends and one day (don't ask me why) we decided to start running. So we had done it about 10 times and one day my ankles were hurting while we ran. When we stopped I could barely walk. I just thought my muscles were not used to the running so I took it easy for a few days. Well a few days turned into a week and a half. I was not getting any better and in fact I was getting worse. So I finally went to the doctor to find out I have a stress fracture and need to stay off of it. Umm hello!! I have 2 kids, I can't stay off of it. I have been doing the best i can, OK well not really, but fairly well. However, there is no way to use crutches in St. Louis this weekend. I am hoping for a quick miraculous healing.

I haven't posted a picture in a while so thought I would. This is from when my grandma came to visit on Labor day weekend. Not a good one of Evan but cute of Carter. Of course he has something in his mouth, always does!

Not Me! Monday

2008-09-29T12:49:00.005-05:00

Another not me post. Last week I felt so free after posting all the things I had not done. Well here are more things I did not do this week.

I did not make another sweet and very fattening dessert this week and again eat to much of it after all I am still trying to eat healthy.

I did not eat above mentioned dessert (Hershey bar pie) while watching Biggest Loser, that would just be wrong.

I did not wait 10 days to go to the doctor for a hurt ankle to find out its a stress fracture. Why would I wait so long in that much pain.

I did not throw the crutches to the side as soon as I got home with them.

I did not pinch my husband so hard on the arm that he cried and gave him a huge bruise. That would be so mean and I would never do anything like that. (I am still very sorry honey!)

I did not take Carter to daycare without crutches and then get to work and use the crutches.

I did not walk around on my sore ankle without the crutches ALL day Saturday at a fall festival and then in Springfield.

I did not overeat at a pizza buffet on Saturday. I did not eat dessert twice!

I did not buy Carter a pair of shoes a size too small because I am not an idiot and I know what size shoes he wears.

I did not give Carter a decongestant yesterday because he can't have it all this week due to allergy testing on Thursday. I did not tell Mike not to give it to him and then give it to him myself. (I felt sorry for the poor stuffy boy who was gaging on the junk in his throat)

I did not find out one of my friends who has been trying for a long time is pregnant. (Shh.. its still a secret) I also did not call her back several hours later just to tell her I was so excited and I couldn't quit thinking about her, that would be weird.

I did not eat a whole pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream by myself. Actually I didn't really eat it all and I did not pick out all the cookie dough chunks.

Be sure to check out MckMama's site for more Not Me! Monday.

Leave me a comment and tell me things you did not do this week. If you participate in Not Me! Monday on your own blog let me know as well as MckMama.

You have got to be kidding!!

2008-09-23T18:09:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I took Carter to the doctor for his 15 month check up and they did blood allergy testing. Well, they called today to give me the results and my first thought was "Are you kidding me?" We already knew he was allergic to Cow's milk, but the rest I had no clue. So are you ready. The boy is allergic to milk, egg, peanut, cat, 4 types of grass and 3 types of trees. So do I need to just put him in a bubble?? Needless to say they are going to send us to a pediatric allergist probably in the same hospital we already go to every 3 months for his cancer. I was totally blown away by all these allergies, no wonder he is always snotty and broke out.

More uplifting note: On Sunday Carter got a hold of something he knew he wasn't supposed to have and kindly brought it to me and said "Uh Oh I did it." Poor kid totally told on himself. It was hilarious and of course I cracked up.
The other day Evan told me he knew what hotel started with so of course I was thinking he was going to say H but when I asked him what he pointed to the number 8 and said eight. A little confused I remembered when we went on vacation ( yes, I know I still haven't posted about it) we stayed at a Super 8 on the way there and on the way back, and we pass by a Super 8 every time we take him to school. Smart little stinker he is, how do you correct something that cute?
That's all I have for today. I'll let you all know when the allergy testing is because I know it will be torture for all involved and I will need prayer. My grandma already told me she wasn't going with me to that appointment and I quickly told her she would DEFINITELY be going, we will see who wins.

Not Me! Monday

2008-09-22T13:45:00.002-05:00

MckMama started a new blog carnival that is sure to be entertaining. These are things I certainly have NOT done this week. You can see more Not Me! Monday's here.

I did not tell my 4 year old I would get him some milk in just a minute and then fall back asleep yesterday while he did whatever he wanted. That would be irresponsible and I would never do that.

I did not take same 4 year old to church last night with a 101 fever and let him spread his germs to everyone. No way! ( I really didn't know he had a fever until we got home)

I never let Evan go into Carter's crib just so I can have a few more minutes doing whatever it is I am doing before I get Carter out of bed.

I did not freak out and think Evan had a tumor in his leg because he suddenly said it hurt and started limping. That would be completely stupid and I would never be that irrational. And I am not taking him to the doctor partially for above said reason today.

I did not make No Bake cookies over the weekend and eat a TON of them because I am trying to eat healthy and I would not do that.

Try Not Me Monday it is so freeing!! Check back on following Mondays to see what I have not done the previous week.

First day of Preschool

2008-09-03T15:48:00.000-05:00

Evan started preschool Friday, Aug. 22. (Yes, I know that was 3 weeks ago.) I can't believe he is old enough to go to school but apparently he is. He goes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at the local Christian school. He had a great first day and I only cried once. Actually I didn't even cry when I dropped him off but in the middle of the day. The school called me twice because he was "itchy". He has eczema and he happened to be very broke out Friday morning. Well I forgot to tell school that he had eczema so they weren't sure if it was an allergic reaction or a rash. The first time I explained to them what it was and the second time they told me he was so miserable and asked if there was anything I could bring him. So I left work to take him the medicine that helps and some lotion. On the way there I had a mini-emotional break down because I felt so sorry for my little 4 year old boy that can't even enjoy the first day of preschool due to being itchy when the doctors tell me I am doing all that I can to help him. Well no, if he is still miserable than I am not doing all I can! There must be more. So we are going to the dermatologist on Sept. 24 and I pray they can give us some kind of new light.
So you may be wondering where the pictures of him on the first day are and well the truth is I forgot! I know, I am a horrible mom. On the second day of school he would not let me take his picture. I wish I would have been smart enough to take a picture of him pouting, that would have been memorable and hilarious.
More later, I promise a vacation post is coming soon.

Long time no post (AGAIN)

2008-09-03T14:29:00.003-05:00

WOW! Where does time go?? I really planned on writing more often and now it been a week and a half.
Can you believe it has been 4 months since Carter was diagnosed with NB?!? Looking back it seems like it was forever ago. I still can't believe how fast everything happened. I still often look back and think "I really thought he was teething". I guess it just seems so surreal. Almost like 4 months ago I had a really bad dream and something like that surely didn't shake US, it must have been someone else and I just tell the story. I will admit I am still a little anxious about the whole "C" word. I just can't help to think about it. My family thinks I am silly and Mike is good at ignoring the fact the Carter has cancer, but I just can't shake it. I will be worried until he sees the oncologist in October then she will ease all my fear and stress how well he is doing and I will feel better at least for a while.
FYI I have 2 posts that I am working on. One about Evan starting pre-school and one about vacation, so I really will get those out soon. Hopefully this week. I have just been so busy and our Internet connection at home isn't the best so its hard to find a place and a time to write. I really appreciate your comments and prayers for our family.
Please pray for the Mikulak family. I found Max's story sometime in May and although I try to avoid blog's about kids with NB I couldn't help myself to continue to follow his story. I knew Max was very ill and his parents knew he was dying, but it came as a shock to find out Max died on Sunday. I hope I never find myself in that situation. Please pray for them as I know they need it.

New Twist

2008-08-25T17:12:00.000-05:00

Want to know a secret about me? I love blogging. I love to write, and I love to read others blogs. I know the loving to write part doesn't show but I really do. The problem I have with writing is that since this blog was created because of Carter's cancer I feel that the posts should always have to do with Carter. However, I decided to try a new twist. Even though this blog is called Carter Jay Ryan I want to start posting about life and the true randomness that occurs in it. This will more be like a Ryan family bog but keep the same name, and of course as things with Carter happen they will be posted here. I pray Carter's cancer does not come back but in case it does we will already have a blog set up to keep family and friends posted. I had another blog that was started before Carter was diagnosed, but I don't want to switch to it because I think I will lose readers. So if you object to me making this a more family oriented blog than you can comment, but I think you will just be glad to hear from me more often. Blogging is a whole new world so look forward to some fun things. Happy Monday!

FEAR!

2008-08-20T23:35:00.005-05:00

Fear. It sneaks up on me when I am least expecting it. I don’t think about it but all of a sudden I am filled with fear. I don’t even know where it come from, but out of the blue it is there staring me right in the face. Haunting me like a nightmare. Stalking me like a serial killer. Ok you get the point.
I have been so filled with fear lately. Weird scary thoughts about Carter’s cancer coming back just pop into my mind. I don’t think about these things nor do I look for them they just come…pop. My experience is that this is something I will never forget or “get over”. My son was diagnosed with cancer and rather or not that is affecting him now is irrelevant. I have shared some of these scary thoughts with my closest friends but feel I need to share them with all in hopes that releasing the fears will make them go away.
When Carter wasn’t walking all though I knew it was normal, that small voice told me it was because of the tumor. When talking to the oncologist about this she said that he would have problem with balance or putting any pressure on his legs if it was the tumor, and this was not the case.
When he started walking any time he would fall (lose his balance) or struggle with standing up that voice again would tell me it was the tumor. I swear I don’t look for these things when they happen, that stupid voice just pops in my head.
When he out eats his brother who is 3 years older, that again small but very loud voice tells me the cancer is growing and needing all the extra food.
When he gets the smallest cough or cold I immediately think the tumor is pressing on his lung, yet again.
So many of my friends tell me it is understandable to have this kind of fear, but is it? How can I say I trust God with Carter’s life but be so fearful at the same time? Is it ok to be so irrational? To try to live a “normal” life but have the “c” word lurking over my head. When will this go away? Will the fear ever go away? Will I always be paranoid about my precious sweet boy? Will the cancer come back? Oh how I wish I could know that answer. Or do I want to know? Will he live to be a grown man? Or will his life end way to short because of this nasty disease? Why do I sit here and cry over things I will not know now? Why do I cry over a very healthy boy (minus a bad cold and pink eye)? Why do I let the fear come in and over take my mind? Why? Why did this have to happen to Carter, to me, to MY family?
This all seems so stupid. Carter is happy, peaceful, and as far as we know the cancer is not growing, yet his over paranoid mother is freaking out constantly. Even his pediatrician says it ok for me to have these thought and that it is normal for what we have been through, but is it? Will Carter have a normal life if I am always wondering if or when the cancer will come back? Does all of my questioning mean I don’t trust the Mighty God that saved Carter’s life? The God who allowed us to find the cancer before it spread all over his tiny body even though he was most likely born with it. The God who gave us so much peace because all of you were praying for us those dreaded days in May. The God who CAN keep the cancer from coming back, but allowed it to be there in the first place.
I obviously don’t expect any of you to answer these questions, but to let you know what is going on in my very tired and overwhelmed mind. These are the things that keep me awake at night.
But why?

Wonderful Gift

2008-08-15T17:42:00.003-05:00

Carter received a wonderful gift yesterday and I must say it is the best gift ever. I saw a box sitting on the counter when I got home from work yesterday that had Carter's name on it. I was curious and immediately opened it. What I saw was so shocking and exciting. Carter received a St. Louis Cardinals 2006 World Series Champions hat. On the hat is written: "To Carter God Bless You, A. Pujols"

It is the neatest thing ever. I can't even grasp that someone famous would take time to not only sign a hat for my son but also put effort into writing Carter's name. Albert Pujols is definitely up there in my book. (as if that matters)

Okay so I am sure you are wondering how in the world did a 1 year old get something so cool and valuable. Well when Carter was diagnosed we were told about a program called Caps for Kids. They give caps to children with cancer and you can pick your top 3 picks of who you want to autograph a hat. Well, our top pick was Albert Pujols but we thought it would just be his autograph on a plain Jane hat not a cool World Series hat. So of course we were stoked (that means really excited) about the hat and just in case anyone is wondering we are going to put it up in a display case. Here are a few pictures and I will try to get some better ones soon. Hopefully a post about vacation and some pictures will soon follow but until then, we had a wonderful time and did not want to come home.

Time flies

2008-08-02T22:14:00.002-05:00

Wow! I can't believe it has been almost two weeks since I posted. We are leaving for Florida tomorrow and to say I am REALLY excited would be an understatement. I just wanted to post to say we are all doing great life has just been really busy. Evan has become a professional swimmer in his 2 weeks of swim lessons. OK so not really but it was very impressive. I'm anxious to see how he does after spending a week in the water. I look forward to posting pictures of our vacation. We are going with some friends and I know it will be amazing. Please pray we are still half way sane after spending 15 hours in the car with 2 children. Oh yeah, Carter is REALLY walking now. I mean this baby walks everywhere. It still catches me off guard, and cracks me up. Have a great week while we are relaxing on the beach!

It's Official

2008-07-21T08:45:00.003-05:00

Carter is officially walking! It has been a very gradual process, and he still prefers to crawl, but he CAN walk. I took this video of him this morning showing off his new skill. His walk is so funny, we crack up every time he walks. He has taken a few steps for a while if we let go of him and pass him back and forth, but last weekend he started to let go of things and venture off on his own. Yesterday was when he really took off, he walked across the room several times at church and then walked pretty much all over our house. I know we are in trouble now, but its still cute to watch.

Public Pool

2008-07-16T12:00:00.001-05:00

Thank you to those that are concerned about Evan and his strange rash. Just to let you all know it is finally gone! Carter got 8 "spots" they kind of look like huge burn scabs now but I can tell they are getting better.
I wanted to post to clear up a few things. I am sorry if you had your kids at the pool with mine. I had no idea.
1. Evan's rash developed before we went swimming in the public pool. On Sunday, when it first started I thought it was just his eczema. So we went swimming. On Monday, I knew it was more than eczema so we went to the Dr.
2. The first Dr. said it was chiggers. It seemed true at that point until the next day. So on Monday, we again went swimming, I was putting anti-bacterial cream on the "spots" and I gave him a shower and medicine immediately after swimming. Remember, I thought it was only chiggers at this point. It didn't get worse until Tuesday afternoon.
3. I did not take Evan swimming anymore after Monday night.
4. I took Evan back to the Dr. on Wednesday, this Dr. said it was definitely not chiggers. I did tell her we went to the public pool, and she did not seem concerned with that. She knew I kept putting anti-bacterial cream on them and could tell it wasn't infected. She also knew they go to daycare and that we were going out of town over the weekend and would again be swimming. The Dr. was not worried about any of this. She really wasn't sure what it is, but it is now gone without any treatments. It ran its course, and is now gone!!

Thank you for praying with us over the weekend. We had a great time, and I had fun at my high school reunion. It was so weird to be in a room with people you recognize but don't know.
Happy hump-day!

WhoHoo!!

2008-07-12T09:32:00.002-05:00

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. My grandmas Internet wasn't working and we just got it back.

Good News!! Carter's CT scan was clear! The oncologist didn't think there was any new growth but they have to wait for radiology to write the report. The whole day went very smooth. They got an IV in the first try, they didn't heavily sedate him and the whole test only took 5 minutes, then he was back in my arms, and semi awake, (still a little drowsy). Carter was so good the whole day. He did very well not eating until after the scan, and never got very grumpy. All in all it was a very good and smooth day. Thank you for all your prayers. Now we are to every 3 month appointments!! We don't go back until October. I do have one thing we need to keep praying for. The oncologist said last month his urine levels that they check were a little elevated, so she wants to see how they are this month. If they are higher or not any lower, they may do more test.

We are having a great time in St. Louis with family. Carter is really warming up to everyone, which is nice that I don't have to hold him constantly. Tonight is my high school reunion! It will be interesting to see people I haven't seen in 10 years.

Again, thank you for all your prayers. I hope you have a great weekend.

Chicken pox or Chiggers? NEITHER

2008-07-09T14:43:00.001-05:00

Its a medical mystery!! I don't understand why my children have to have all the weird things. On Monday Doctor A said it was chiggers, I was fine with that until Tuesday. Today Doctor B said it was definitely not chiggers nor chicken pox. Evan has eczema so rashes sometimes look different than they would with normal children, so its hard to say. She thinks its Eczema Herpeticum, which is really yucky. She isn't sure since he isn't running a fever. Basically she can't say for sure but that is her best educated guess.
Then around noon, daycare called to tell me they fed Carter mac & cheese and he broke out in hives. We know he is allergic to milk, but we thought maybe that allergy had gone, apparently not. Hives is not a big deal in the big scheme of things, but for crying out loud, how much more do I need. Why can't I just have normal children with normal problems. Does normal even exist?? Its so frustrating that we are always dealing with something. My plate is full, and I am done. Stick a fork in me.
Please pray for Evan and that the funky spots are gone soon and not spread to Carter. Pray that the medical mystery can be solved and we figure out everything Carter is allergic to and get no more hives.

You be the judge

2008-07-08T17:01:00.003-05:00

Chicken Pox or Chiggers? Give me your opinion of what is wrong with Evan.

And yes my poor boy is crying in the picture, they really burn and itch him.

My brave Evan

2008-07-06T20:41:00.006-05:00

I wanted to take a minute to brag on my big boy Evan. Today we went to the city pool and ....(drum roll please) Evan jumped off the diving board all by himself!!! I was so proud. He loved it, in fact he did it 8 times in a row. It was so fun to watch him get up the courage and be so brave to walk to the edge of the board and take the plunge.

One of my blog readers asked me if my purses I bought while on my girls day out were cute, well of course they are cute!! Why do you think I bought 2?? So, Traci, this is for you.

Well actually they are kind of plain. The plaid one is my favorite and the brown one is pretty boring, but I am a pretty boring girl.

To be very honest with the 5 of you that read this blog, I am very scared about Carter's appointment on Friday. Please pray for us during the week that I will have peace and assurance from the Lord that everything is going to be okay. I know I will feel better as soon as it is over, I just want it over. I pray the week passes by very quickly. Also pray that the nurses will not have any problems getting an IV. Last time it took them 6 tries and I really don't want him to go through that again, and that was the nurse who everyone calls when they have trouble with an IV. I hope you all have a blessed week!

Girls day out!!

2008-07-03T21:36:00.004-05:00

Today Jenelle, Rachel and I went out for a girls day. It was so much fun!! It was so exciting to just hang out with my friends. First we all got pedicures, which was way fun. Then we shopped, shopped, and shopped some more. Well actually we ate lunch, then we went shopping. We had a supper yummy lunch at Cheddars. We then went to Famous Footwear, Kohl's, Target and the mall. Of course I spent way too much money, but it was fun. My favorite purchase was a new purse. I have been looking for a purse for at least 3 years, and I am not exaggerating. I actually found 2 that I liked so I bought them both!!

Sorry it has been so long since I posted, and sorry this post isn't about Carter. There really isn't anything new going on with him, so I don't have much to write about. Life has been pretty busy lately. Carter still isn't walking, but he is getting pretty brave. He thinks he is big stuff if he lets go of something for 3 seconds. Its so fun to watch him. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Carter has some new words. One day last week he said Evan which is the only time he has said it. His favorite words are Bye Bye, thank you, cracker, uh oh, and poop. Yes, the kid says poop.

I hope you all have a Happy 4th of July. We will just be doing things around here and hanging out as a family. Next Thursday we will be going to St. Louis. Carter's CT scan is on Friday and my 10th year high school reunion is on Saturday. While I am excited for my reunion, it makes me feel old to be out of school for that long. I can't wait to see some old friends.
To be honest I am getting nervous about Carters scan next Friday. My heart tells me he is okay but my mind tells me other things. I know it is normal for him to not be walking, but my mind tells me that the tumor has grown and that's why he can't walk. I know all of my thoughts are silly, but its so hard to not let those thoughts in. So, please pray for us this week and that the CT goes smoothly. I hate when he has to be sedated. I HATE CANCER!!!

Relay for Life!

2008-06-24T10:45:00.000-05:00

Relay for Life on Friday was amazing! It was such a wonderful celebration, and I didn't cry! I know for some of you that is hard to believe, but its true. We truly celebrated Carter's life, even if that means his life with cancer, and it was a good time. He "walked" almost half of the Survivor's lap and then I carried him the rest of the way. Mike really wanted to carry him, but he wanted his mom! Carter fell asleep in his daddy's arms during the luminaria lighting. Carter had 28 Luminaria bags! I felt so blessed that so many had honored him in that way. Obviously Carter had no idea how special the night was however, it was very meaningful to Mike and me.

This first picture is my favorite. What a big brave boy!

Carter is a Survivor!! He is going to beat this and live a long healthy life. Our next big obstacle is his CT scan on July 11. They will make sure the tumor hasn't grown any. Thank you for the continual blessings each one of you is to our family. Also a special thanks to our very own personal professional photographer. The pictures are great.

Front Page News

2008-06-20T08:41:00.008-05:00

Wow! 2 days in a row (Yes, in case you missed it I posted yesterday too.)
Carter made the front page of the Bolivar Newpaper today!
I want to say thank you to Charlotte who wrote an amazing article about the youngest Polk County Relay Survivor, Carter. You can check out the article by clicking here.

I have always felt like Carter's diagnosis was a curse however, last night at the survivor dinner it made me realize we are blessed to walk along side all of the other cancer survivors. Everyone at the dinner looked so healthy and happy, cancer hadn't ruined their life, and they had won the fight or haven't given up. It gave me so much hope and encouragement to live everyday to the fullest and that Carter will have a long happy life. Tonight is the Relay for life and I am honored to get to walk with our little champ! I plan on posting tomorrow about the Relay.

My little miracles

2008-06-19T12:16:00.009-05:00

I know I have mentioned this before, but I want to mention it again. The day before we found out Carter had a tumor I had said in my Wednesday morning bible study that I often take for granted that my children are miracles and how grateful I am for them being so healthy. While things for Carter could have been a lot worse I am still very grateful. I don't write about Evan on here very much, but he is just as important to me. I often think of a miracle as something huge. For example, a miracle would have been when they did the first cat-scan there would have been no sign of a mass. However, there was a mass and it was a cancerous tumor, but what a miracle that they found it before it had spread. What a miracle that they could remove most of it. What a miracle that he doesn't need chemo. What a miracle that the cancer was not making him sick. What a miracle that when Carter gets older he won't remember all of this. What a miracle that Evan is such a great big brother. What a miracle that Evan is healthy and so active. What a miracle that we live in a country where we can praise the One who created us. What a miracle that my 2 healthy boys have 2 healthy parents that can take care of them. I think so often we take life for granted and let the hustle and bustle of everyday life get to us. Who cares if our children are a little (ok a lot) more hyper than others? Who cares that our 4 year old makes messes that we don't have time to clean up? Who cares that our 1 year old can almost get into everything, Praise the Lord that Carter CAN get into everything. I know I am rambling but I just felt like I needed to share this. Now I am going to post some pictures and videos of what we have been up to. Thanks for your continued prayers.

On Saturday we got to see a U.S. Army Helicopter (yes, in the metropolis of Bolivar!)

Evan got to sit in the Pilot seat!

Carter with a cute smile, and a short video of him laughing.

Carter had a long day at day care on Tuesday, and fell asleep right after dinner!

One day while we were doing some work outside Evan found a frog, it was so funny.

Hope this made you smile and reminds you that life is precious even when it is chaotic. Take time to hug and enjoy your family (that means right now, quit reading my blog)!

Crazy Life

2008-06-16T11:50:00.000-05:00

Sorry it has been so long since I posted. Things have been crazy. On Friday Carter had his 12 month check up which should have been easy right? WRONG! Carter had a fever Thursday night so when we went to the doctor she was concerned his infection in his incision became something more like a blood infection. Well after being on antibiotics for 10 days he developed a double ear infection. He does not have a blood infection, but she was very concerned at how low his white blood cell count was. After consulting with the oncologist they decided it was just a virus. Carter is doing much better now and is back at day care today. I have had a lot of people ask when we will know about the test last week, and honestly I don't think we will unless its not good. We go back to his regular doctor in 2 weeks (like we really won't be there for 2 weeks, I laughed at the doctor when she said that) and she will probably know the results so I will ask her.
Saturday was our anniversary! We have been married for 5 years. Mike is the most amazing man I could have ever asked for. I am so thankful to be blessed by him. We got to go out on a date to the Springfield Cardinals game and to late lunch/early dinner. Granny watched the kids which was fun for all involved. After the past month it was really nice to just spend time together. We had a lot of fun.
Sunday was Colter's, Carter's best bud, birthday party. Happy Birthday Colter! His party was at the park and we almost got blown away. We knew it was going to rain by the way the clouds looked, but what we didn't realize was that there were severe storms all around. It was pretty crazy and exciting to say the least. I have never seen a party be cleaned up so fast.
Friday, June 20th, is Polk County Relay for Life. I am really excited about it. Please come out and support us, we will need as many friends as possible as I am sure this will be emotional for us. Carter will get to walk (OK, be carried) in the survivor lap. We think he will be the youngest survivor. So be sure to look for updates on Saturday.
Happy Monday to all,

Appointment

2008-06-11T23:55:00.003-05:00

Carter's appointment went pretty well today. He peed all over me and then while trying to change his bag and actually catch the pee he started peeing again, and he ended up peeing in the cup! It was hilarious. A little messy, but hilarious. We won't know any results for probably a week. I assume they won't even call unless something comes back unusual. We go back in August for a CT scan, and then will start our every 3 months visits. His incision is healing, and we had a surgeon look at it today. He was pleased with it and thinks it should heal up fine now. The antibiotic is doing what it is supposed to and the infection looks under control. Thank you for all the prayers today. It was a long day, no one in the clinic moves as fast as you think they should. I have learned that if we are an hour late for the appointment no one will notice (not that we were, but we should have been). Maybe I will post more tomorrow.
Edited on 6/12 @ 9:40a.m.: Carter's CT scan is in July not August. Opps! I was sleepy when I wrote this.

Partay!

2008-06-10T13:28:00.004-05:00

Carter had a great birthday party! Thank you to everyone who came and/or sent donations. We raised $180 for our Realy for Life team and $141 for Friends of Kids with Cancer.

He had so much fun with his cake. He ate almost the whole thing!!

I don't have much to say, I just want to post some pictures.

Carter has an infection in his incision, and I just find out that it is staph. It is healing ok now and hopefully will be ok. Tomorrow (Wednesday, June 11) is Carter's check up in St. Louis. Please pray for travel and good test results. They will do a urine and blood test. It should be simple but I have thought that before and was proved wrong, so we will just have to see. Enjoy the pictures.

Carter and his buddy Colter "playing" together

He is looking at his cake, he knows its coming.

Getting cleaned up, I promise I wasn't choking him.

Clean and happy!

Happy Birthday Carter!!!

2008-06-05T06:00:00.010-05:00

Happy Birthday my sweet precious boy!! I can’t believe you are 1 year old. What a year. You have been such a blessing, and brought such joy into our lives. Your smile can brighten any room. I am so proud to be your momma. You are such a fighter, and you have proved that since day one. You have kept us on our toes since long before you were born. We have called upon many prayer chains on your behalf and you have given us many scares, yet we are so thankful for who you are and the blessing you have been to us.
When I was only 24 weeks pregnant with you I started having contractions and that was the first of many scary days. At 38 weeks I was induced but you decided you were not ready to meet the world and you stayed where things were cozy for 2 more weeks! You made your grand entrance with another scare when you decided to wait a minute before you would start breathing. You were born at a whopping 10lbs 3 oz and 23 inches long. Are you sure you needed to stay in there for those 2 extra weeks??

Of course we fell in love we you the minute we saw you. You were the talk of the hospital because you were almost twice the size of the other babies. The nurses laughed because they didn’t have any outfits big enough for you. Your big brother has always been so proud of you. He is a much better big brother than anyone could have ever imagined. I love watching him talk to you and play with you. He was so scared the first time he held you. I will never forget when he held you and you started to cry, he thought he hurt you and was so scared he was going to get in trouble.

When you were born your big toe nails were buried into the top skin on your toe, and a couple months later they became infected and off the toe nails came. I was so scared as I watched them take you away from me and into the operating room. Little did I know that that was one of many procedures and no big deal. You never showed pain from that and again showed us that you are tough.

At four months old I noticed your soft spot on your skull was very small. I cried as they did a cat scan to see if you were going to need surgery to fix it. I praised the Lord as the results showed it was no big deal and you were just blessed with a funny shaped head! So many prayed for us during that difficult time and so many rejoiced with us when we got the good results.

Carter, I would not trade these crazy moments for anything in the world. God has taught me so much about prayer, faith and trust through you. Its so amazing that such a small person can have such an impact on the world around them. Through every trial you have been so brave and full of joy.

Throughout the winter you were constantly sick with a cold and a bad cough. You would often cough and throw up all over us. We started to learn when this would happen and even got used to it. You had such a crazy cough and when people that were not used to it would hear it they would look at me like you were going to die. Little did I know then that the cough was due to the tumor pressing on your lungs.

May 2, 2008 was one of the craziest days of our lives. I knew something was really bad when your doctor told us to get to her office soon and she would explain everything to us. We were so blessed with great doctors and nurses that cared about you. Everything happened so fast which I am so grateful for. Only four short days after learning you had a tumor it was removed. I will never forget the look on the surgeons face when he told us it was definitely cancer. I already knew it was but hearing it for sure was so scary. Seeing you after surgery was the worst part of this whole ordeal. You were again proving that you are a fighter as they had to restrain you because you were trying to sit up and pull your breathing tube out. What a strong little boy you are! We were so surprised by how quickly you recovered and were back to the happy little boy we know and love. What a miracle!!

Through all the bad there has always been good. We have seen God work in your life over and over again. I can't wait to see what kind of strong man you turn into. I know God has amazing plans for your life, and look forward to watching them unfold before me.

We are learning that you have no limitations. You do not understand the word no, and have no fear. We know that you will never give up on anything and no one will ever tell you that you can't accomplish something. I so often took your life for granted, but now I cherish every moment.

I love to listen to you "talk" when you wake up in the morning. Those are the sweetest sounds on earth. I love it even more when your whole body gets excited to see me. You have blessed my life more than words can express. I look forward to sharing many many more birthdays with you. I pray they will all be cancer free! I hate that I am a mother of a child with cancer, but love that I am your mommy. Carter Jay I love you so much and I hope you have a great first birthday.

Love, Your mommy

4 mo.
2 mo.

8 mo.
6 mo.
12 mo.
10 mo.

To my faithful blogger friends:

Thank you for sharing in this journey with us. I hope you rejoice with us in celebrating Carter's first birthday. Sorry for boring you with the long letter to my son. I wish I would have wrote letters to Evan on his birthdays, but I think I will from now on. Don't forget about Carter's party on Saturday, June 7, at SHBC at 2 p.m.

Please pray as we go back for a check up next Wednesday, June 11 in St. Louis. I am confident everything will be clear, but I am still nervous. Please pray for peace as the day approaches.

We appreciate all of you.

In Him,

Where has May gone?

2008-06-01T22:22:00.000-05:00

WOW!! I can't believe its already June. It has been one month since all of the craziness in our life has started. One month ago today, Carter was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia, and we were told he had a mass of some kind. So much has happened since then, it just seems crazy. This time on May 1, I was with Carter at the hospital trying to get some sleep before he had his test in the morning, little did I know how much my life was going to change.

I could have titled this post 10 different things, so I will probably list all of the titles and then put a little under each heading. I have been pretty emotional today so bear with me.

A strand of 3 cords:
Today in church (we went to church in Branson) the pastor talked about how a strand of 3 cords is not easily broken. It reminded me of how much I need all of you to keep praying for us. Yes, Carter is home, not in a hospital and not sick. He looks perfectly healthy and happy, but the truth is he still has cancer in his body. I don't mean to keep dwelling on this but I can't help it. I know God is going to take care of him and carry us through all of this, but I keep wondering why this all had to happen in the first place. I need you to pray that the cancer will not grow back and that I can stop worrying about that. I didn't think I would be nervous about his next appointment, but the truth is I am and it’s still a week and a half away. He used to have this crazy cough and after they removed the tumor it was gone. The cough was gone for over 3 weeks, and now it is back. That really scares me and I am praying its nothing, but I seem to worry about everything now. I feel like I have a spiritual battle going on inside of me and I would like you all to pray that satan does not get a foothold and I can keep focus on the only One who can make this all better. I feel God allowed that small piece of tumor to be left in Carter's body to teach me I am not in control. For those of you who really know me, know that that is really hard. I think God is just trying to show me that He doesn't need my help, He can handle this all by himself!! I just really wish I wasn't so stubborn, and He could have found a better way to teach me these things.

Praise:
I took Carter to the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor on Wednesday, and he does not have to have ear tubes!! Thank you Jesus! I know tubes are not a big deal, I just didn't want him to have to go through one more thing. The doctor is hoping he won't have any trouble all summer because colds are less likely in the summer and we will see what happens in the winter.

Pray:
Please pray for Granton and his family. You can find a link to his site on the right side of this blog. His mom and dad have to make some pretty big decisions for him and I want to ask that you all pray for them. Granton has been in the hospital for over 2 months. Mike and I have been so burdened for this family even though we have never meet them. I always said I couldn't imagine going through what they are going through, and even though we had some drama it is still nothing even close to what there are dealing with. I am so encouraged by their strength during this incredibly hard time. So, when you pray for Carter please also pray for Granton.

I hope all of this makes sense, I feel like I rambled. I knew I would feel better after I wrote, and I already do. Just because Carter is doing well, and looks so good doesn't mean we still don't need prayers. I know you haven't quit, I just wanted to let you know we still need them, and how to pray more specifically. Thank you all.

Don't forget about the big birthday party on Saturday, I am so excited!

I love my family!

2008-05-29T18:40:00.005-05:00

Today was a great day! It was just an ordinary day, but we got to spend time as a family. Its amazing how a few weeks of craziness can really put things in a whole new perspective. We used to take for granted all of the time we get to spend together, but now each moment is cherished. Before a day with the family would tend to make me crazy, but now I live for each happy moment and big smile from both of my boys and at the end of a day together I smile and thank God for the time he has given us together. I know I will forever be changed by Carter's diagnosis and hope all the lessons I learned will stay with me forever. Today we got birthday pictures taken and then went to Chuck E. Cheese. I was dreading Chuck E. Cheese, but it was so much fun!!! Obviously Evan loved it, and I truly enjoy making him happy!

I will show you a few pictures from today, but you will have to check back for just Carter pictures. I will post those on his birthday. I have big plans for a birthday post (next Thursday) so be sure to check back. I'm sure it will be emotional so bring tissues! I can not believe he is 1 already and at the same time I can't believe he has only been here for 1 year.

Aren't we cute?

Brothers

Favorite of my big boy!!

Hope you all have a great rest of the week.

Curious?

2008-05-24T21:37:00.001-05:00

Many people have asked to see Carter's incision and I thought maybe all of you would like to see it too. This picture was taken over a week ago, and looks much better now. The little hole is where the chest tube was. Apparently he had no stitches on the outside but he did on the inside because today I noticed that there is a stitch hanging out of the corner of his incison. I hope you all have a great holiday weekend. Stay safe!

"Normal" Life

2008-05-23T12:31:00.000-05:00

Sorry it has been a while since I updated. I wasn’t sure what to write about, but I realize you will all quit reading if I don’t update soon. I started back to work this week, which means Carter had to go back to daycare. He was a little spoiled in St. Louis so this transition has been a little hard on all involved. On Monday I cried when I dropped him off. I felt like it was the first time I took him all over again. He only took a 30 minute nap on both Monday and Tuesday which made for a short night with mom and dad. He fell asleep very quickly after coming home both nights.
On Wednesday we went to the Springfield zoo with some of the ladies in one of my bible studies. It was fun to get out in the warm weather and be with both of my boys. We also had a picnic and Evan got to play at the park.
I took Carter to his regular pediatrician this week, and she was happy to see him looking so good. He had an ear infection whenever they found the tumor and he still kind of has it. The Dr. wants him to see an ENT and possibly get ear tubes. I know ear tubes are so simple compared to what he has been through, but I don’t want him to go through one more procedure. So, we will see the ENT next week and go from there.
More info on the big birthday bash:
We will have Carter’s party at Southern Hills Baptist Church on June 7, at 2:00 p.m.
In lieu of gifts we will be collecting donations for Friends of Kids with Cancer or Polk County Relay for Life (American Cancer Society).
Friends of Kids with Cancer is an organization that gave Carter a gift card and they give kids with cancer different gifts such as tickets to ball games, toys, etc.
Carter will be in his first Relay for Life in June. I know this will be emotional for me because it always is just to see all the people who have dealt with cancer, but I know actually being a part of it will be even more emotional.
For not being sure what to write about, this is becoming a very long post.
Please continue to pray that the cancer cells left in Carter’s body will disappear completely. I am having a hard time knowing there is cancer left in my baby’s body. When I talk to people and tell them our story I feel like I am talking about someone else, this whole thing still seems so surreal. I think I will always cringe when I hear, think or speak the “C” word. I am so thankful for all of you, and can’t wait to see who comes to Carter’s big 1 year of life celebration!

Home Sweet Home

2008-05-17T10:44:00.003-05:00

Yeah!!! I'm home! It is so wonderful to be home. I have always wanted to move back to St. Louis, but after the last 2 weeks I am very grateful for where the Lord has placed me. I love my family, and do wish to be closer to them, but I have such an awesome support system here and a great "family". I cannot express how thankful I am for all of you. We have been so blessed during this time. During the hard days I would get so mad at God but I know he carried me through those days. I know I could not have got through this without Him. Many people have told me I am so strong, but I want to clarify that without God I am very weak. I know the Lord has placed all of you in my life for a reason and during this time it was for blessing, strength and encouragement. I know God has a lesson for me in all of this, I have already learned several things. I keep asking God why he chose to give my son cancer, am I that stubborn that He couldn't teach me those lessons in a different less traumatic way!! If it was to show others who Christ is, couldn't it be done without giving my son cancer? I will probably never know the answers to all my questions and I am starting to be ok with that. Its so easy to praise the Lord when things are going good, but I hope I can also praise Him in the bad, because he is always there and saw us through this mess of two weeks.
Can anyone tell me where May went? I can't believe its half over. All of this started on May 1.

On June 7, we are going to have the biggest birthday party for a 1 year old ever!!I can't wait to celebrate this little boys life, and you are all invited!! We don't want gifts, but we want everyone to come celebrate with us. I'm not sure on a time yet, but it will be at Southern Hills Baptist Church.

I have wanted to post things I have learned, but I am afraid if I start to write them I won't remember all of them at once and I don't want to leave anything out. However, one thing for sure is I won't sweat the small stuff. Today, Evan dropped a bowl full of eggs on the floor, and we had no more eggs. So what? I didn't care! No one got hurt, he didn't do it on purpose, why yell and get mad when we are all home, safe and happy? When something big like this happens (cancer) it kind of puts your whole life into perspective. What a blessing and a miracle children are!!
I hope you all have a great weekend. The weather is beautiful!!!!

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

2008-05-15T13:57:00.003-05:00

First of all I want to thank all of you that have been praying with us for our sweet baby boy. Carter's MRI did not go as well as planned, but none the less it is over. His IV was working when we got there this morning, but by the time they sedated him it started leaking so they had to take it out and give him a new one in order to keep him sedated. It took another 5 tries!!! However, we are done with test at least for a while. We met with the oncologist today and she gave us very positive news. Yes, Carter does have stage 2 cancer, but with the type of cancer that it is, Neuroblastoma, he does not need chemo!! Both his MIBG and bone scan came back clear, and we are still waiting on the bone marrow, but she is pretty confident it will also come back clear. There is a small piece of tumor left that they will watch very close and if it grows they will then have to do chemo. There is a good chance this cancer will go into remission on its own.
I feel so relieved and so excited. He will come back for check ups monthly for 3 months then every 3 months for a year. I cannot tell you enough how grateful I am for all of you. Please continue to pray for my sweet boy that this tumor does not grow back. Oh yeah guess what else, I get to go home tomorrow!!!!! I can't wait until we are all together as a family again, it has been 2 weeks. I will probably post more later tonight. Love you all,

Crazy Day Part 2

2008-05-14T22:46:00.001-05:00

Today was just a very tiring and draining day. I don't really feel like writing tonight, but just wanted to ask you all to pray hard for us again tomorrow. Carter had the MIBG today and also they took some of his bone marrow (surprise, but glad its over). I can't explain to you all how hard all of these test are for Carter and myself. Its not natural for them to put your child to sleep like that, and it is so hard to watch. To those of you who watch out for me ( my HCA fan club, you know who you are) I am not down, I am just really tired and drained both physically and mentally! :)
Today we talked to an oncologist about the piece of tumor on his aorta. They will know more after all of these tests, but if it is small enough and the cancer has not spread it should regress on its own, and they will just watch it very carefully for several years.
On Thursday he will have an MRI (hopefully the last test) and then we will meet with the oncologist for some results. Please pray its only good news. Thank you for all your thoughts and comments. Please keep praying.

Pushed back

2008-05-14T10:07:00.005-05:00

I just got a call that they moved his MIBG scan back until 2p.m. I feed him at 6a.m. and then they told me I could give him more clear liquids in the next 5 minutes, so he got more apple juice. Please pray that the apple juice will keep him from starving and he will not be so mad by the time this is over. Also pray that the apple juice doesn't have a negative effect like it sometimes can. We have enough yucky diapers as it is!! Don't forget to also pray for Leslie her surgery is at 1:30 today.
Thank you all,

Crazy Day

2008-05-13T19:00:00.002-05:00

Where were my prayer warriors today?? Carter and I wondered if you abandoned us. Until last week I underestimated the power of prayer. I knew it worked, but I had never been on this side of it. When Carter was in surgery(last week) and our world was falling apart in front of our eyes Mike and I felt calm and could definitely feel all of your prayers. Things went very smoothly last week and we knew it was because of you, our prayer warriors. But today, I think you all were sleeping!! :)
Today should have gone well, but everything that could have gone wrong did. Carter had to get an IV, and it took 6 tries!! It took the nurse over an hour to finally get it. Then we went to get the nuclear injection and there was a confusion(on my part) about the insurance and I thought the guy said this test wasn't covered unless he was inpatient, I thought well admit us! But like I said, it was just a misunderstanding. I then realized I couldn't take anymore and need help, so I called Jenelle which called on my women bible study prayer warriors. Thank you all so much!

I cannot express how much I need all of your prayers for the rest of the week. Tomorrow, Carter will be sedated so I can only feed him clear liquids after midnight and nothing after 6 a.m. The test isn't until noon. Obviously that will make for a cranky baby. On Friday when he was sedated, his oxygen level went way down (fixed by repositioning his head) and I don't want that to happen again. They did send us home with the IV today, so pray it is still good tomorrow. I don't think we can go through any more pokes.
Tomorrow when you pray for Carter, please pray for my friend Leslie as well. Leslie has breast cancer and is having surgery tomorrow.
I love you all.

Good day!

2008-05-12T22:21:00.003-05:00

Carter and I had a really good day together. We went to the zoo, and just had fun.

I don't have much to say today, but I wanted to answer a frequently asked question (and post a cute picture).

We are not sure if they got all of the tumor out. I understood they got most, and the oncologist understood they got it all. So, the MRI on Thursday should show what is left if any, and then we will know more after that. If there is tumor left, we don't know what they are going to do to get it out. Basically, there are still a lot of unanswered questions and I REALLY hope to find out more later this week. I feel like I have been saying that since day 1, but hopefully we will have real answers. Thanks for more blessings we have received and all the prayers.

Happy Mothers Day

2008-05-11T23:00:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not posting in a while. I have had a lot on my mind and not really sure what to write. I am still unsure what to say, but I know some of you are anxiously awaiting my next post. First of all, thank so much to those that have blessed us in recent days. We have been blessed way beyond comprehension. We have been blessed with your prayers, financial gifts, visits, calls, food, cleaning of our house, and much more. I cannot express enough gratitude, but you have really blown our socks off!
I am happy I got to spend Mother's day with my grandma and my precious baby boy. However, I really missed Evan and Mike today. Because of this trail, my life will forever be changed and I am thankful for every moment and try not to dwell on the negative things. Carter has had two REALLY good days. I have heard many people say babies rebound quickly, but I never thought he would amaze me like he has. No one would know this baby had surgery just 5 short day ago. He has been playing and giggling like a very healthy boy. Carter got to take a real bath today which I think was more exciting for me than him. His incision looks great, and is healing very well.
When Carter had his bone scan on Friday he had to be sedated and during the sedation his stats started to drop. This obviously really freaked me out and has made me very nervous about the next 2 tests and sedation. Please pray with me that these tests will go smoothly and the sedation will not have a negative affect on him. I have been trying not to worry or be scared of all that is going on, but I think that would be nonhuman if I wasn't (and I would be lying if I said I wasn't worrying). I know the Lord is in charge and going to take care of Carter, but as a mother I want to be in control. I know God is teaching me a lot through all of this, but its hard to learn when you just want to mother and take care of your baby.
Here is the schedule of events taking place this week, please pray for these things:
Monday I have to give Carter drops to protect his thyroid from the injection he has to get.
Tuesday we go to the hospital and Carter will get an IV and then a injection of nuclear medicine.
Wednesday he will get an MIBG scan at noon. (This is what the nuclear medicine is for)
Thursday he will get a MRI at 8 a.m.
I will return to Bolivar either Thursday or Friday, but probably Friday.
On both Wednesday and Thursday I have to starve him and he will get sedated both times. Thursday will be the 5th time I have starved Carter and I am afraid he is going to start catching on. When he finally gets to eat he eats as if I won't feed him again for a long time. Please pray this doesn't phase him and he will do just fine.
I am so grateful for all of our friends and family. You have all been so wonderful during this time.
I know God does not give us more than we can handle and I have questioned him A LOT in the past week, but i know He has carried us through this time of trial and can't wait for Him to get the victory when it is all over.
Thanks for all your prayers.

Finally!

2008-05-09T20:51:00.002-05:00

We are finally getting to leave the hospital. Today has been a long day and I don't care that we won't be leaving until after 9, I am just glad we get to go back to Nana's.
The report came back from his biopsy today (that was done when they removed the tumor) He does have Neuroblastoma and it is not in aggressive form which is amazing! There is a smaller chance that it has spread, and now we will just wait for the other test to be done next week. I will write in the morning hopefully with a report of a (much needed) restful night.

New status

2008-05-09T16:39:00.004-05:00

I have had a hard day today and I am going to be very open and honest to all of you and ask that you please pray for us. I realized somewhere between last night and this morning that Mike and I have reached a new status in our lives. That status is being a parent of a child with cancer. We did not ask to be put in this status, it didn't give us a choice, it didn't ask permission, we didn't get an invite, it just happened. I'm not ok with this and I am mad. I don't want to deal with this and I don't want Carter to have to deal with this. This is harder than anything I could have ever imagined. I know Carter is going to be fine, and I don't even think he will need chemo, but he still has/had cancer. He has been through so many tests and I hate to put him through anymore. He has been poked, starved, sedated and through many machines. I'm sorry for complaining but I just wanted all of you to know how we feel and what we are going through.

Carter got his chest tube out finally!! He will get an x-ray at 7 p.m. and if everything looks good we will get to leave.

This journey is not almost over, its just beginning. PLEASE continue to pray for us. This will continue to be a long journey, and we cannot do this without your prayers and support.

Perspective

2008-05-09T07:38:00.003-05:00

Lucky is the last word I would use to describe what we have gone through in the last week however, one of the other parents here at the hospital used exactly that word to describe our situation. Lucky... I feel very far away from lucky, and when people used the word lucky I usually change it to blessed. I do feel blessed, but I am not sure that even describes the past week. I could list a bunch of reasons why I feel blessed, but that still doesn't describe this week. Sirena's mother is the one that called me lucky, and I would like to tell you a little about this precious girl so you could pray for her. Sirena is 14 months old and has been in and out of this hospital since November. In November they removed a tumor from her brain, and she has been on chemo ever since and will remain on chemo until this November. After her surgery they were here for 4 months, and now are here because she got an infection in the port she gets chemo in. When I look at Sirena and then I look at Carter I do feel "lucky" and very blessed. I do not want to watch my little boy go through chemo, or any other procedures. Please pray fervently for these next few tests. We are trying not to worry and just pray, but I am not doing a very good job at this.
Carter did not sleep well last night which means we didn't either. He is so tired at this point, he can't fall asleep. If they sedate him for his bone scan today at 1, he may just sleep until tomorrow morning! (one can only hope) Carter is going to get a chest x-ray today and if everything looks good they will remove the chest tube. Please pray they remove this today so we can go "home".

Yesterday we got to take Carter in a ride around the hospital in a wagon. I think this was more fun for us than Carter but that's OK. Carter also got to see big brother Evan, which was more exciting to Evan than Carter. I feel like Evan has grown up so much in the past week.

We have been asked if people could bring Mike meals next week while he is home and I am not, please direct your willingness to help to Martha at the church, she is coordinating all of that.
We have been so amazed at all of your prayers, comments, calls, and willingness to help. We REALLY appreciate all of you. You have been a blessing to us.

Amazed (by Daddy)

2008-05-08T21:45:00.005-05:00

I am truly amazed by everyones prayer. I wanted to say thank you. I'm amazed over and over again by everyones comments and encouragement. One verse that was shared with us which has become a favorite of mine is Isaiah 40:28-31. I read this scripture to Carter this evening and I had to fight back tears because it really spoke to me. I feel like these scriptures were written just for Carter.

Another thing that amazes me is how in the midst of their trying time, the Bayless family is praying for our little guy, and that means a lot to us. Thank you Daniel and Jenni for praying for us, and we will not stop praying for Granton. Daniel (Granton's dad) wrote a very encouraging comment to us that said he had learned not to worry, just pray. Please continue to pray for the 2 Bolivar boys.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. This is our prayer that God will continue to make His plan evident to us, even when we don't understand.

Mike

Lots of tests

2008-05-08T17:46:00.002-05:00

Today has been a pretty good day for Carter. They took the suction off of his chest tube today, and will probably remove the chest tube in the morning!! He has only needed pain medicine once and I'm sure he will get it before he goes to bed. Tomorrow he will get a bone scan to make sure the cancer did not spread to his bones. (By the way I still hate that word). Its a good possibility we will get to go "home" after that. Then next Tuesday we have to come see the doctor and Carter will get injected with radioactive "stuff" and Wednesday he will have a scan to see where the radioactive "stuff" went. Finally, on Thursday Carter will have a MRI and a bone marrow test.

Mike and Evan will hopefully get to go to Bolivar on Saturday and Carter and I will stay with my grandma all next week. Evan desperately needs to go back home for some normalcy. He is doing really well, but I don't think he could handle another week. And Mike is ready to be back at home as well. (We all are but just 2 out of 4 will have to do for now)

Please pray that:

ALL of Carter's tests come back negative for the "C" word. Remember that if there is no cancer anywhere else that means no chemo. I would hate for my little guy to have to go through chemo.

Continued rest and peace.

Healing of Carter's incision (it looks pretty nasty)

No pain for my little man

We get to be released from the hospital tomorrow.

Again, we cannot express how much we appreciate all of your prayers and comments. Just because he is getting better doesn't mean we don't still need prayer.

What a difference a day makes

2008-05-07T16:59:00.003-05:00

As you can tell Carter looks much better today. Its so much easier to see him like this. I know some of you cried after seeing him yesterday, and hopefully this makes you smile. It sure makes Mike and I smile. Please pray for a restful night, healing for Carter, and another good day tomorrow.

Updated at 8:20: I know Carter looks really good in this picture, and he is doing much better, but I just happened to get him with a smile on his face and for most of the day he was poutty. If you click on the picture it gets bigger, and you will notice he has yes written on his chest. They did this so they operated on the right (left) side! I think its hilarious. His incision is about 5 inches long, and is below his armpit around to his back. You can not see the incision in this picture. Carter is now sleeping and I pray he sleeps well and does not wake up in pain.

Roller Coaster - The Ride Up

2008-05-07T13:40:00.003-05:00

The tumor is exactly what the oncologist thought it was going to be. It is the same thing she talked so hopefully about, so I can now breath a sigh of relief. We still have to wait for tests and answers but things are again hopeful. Carter needs to have a bone scan and another type of scan and they will draw some bone marrow before we leave the hospital. Next week sometime (hopefully the end so we can go home, to Bolivar, for a few days) he will have to get an MRI to make sure there is no tumor in the spine. He does have neuroblastoma and yes that is cancer, but the oncologist says its not the kind of cancer we normally think about when we think of cancer. At this time he does not need chemo, but it depends on what the other scans show. If it has spread then he will need chemo, but the doctor thinks if this cancer progressed enough to need chemo he would be sick. Praise the Lord, Carter has not been sick!!
He is recovering very well from surgery and will be moved out of ICU very soon. He is slowly getting back to his "wild man" self. I will post a new and encouraging picture later. Mike and I have been very peaceful today and I know its because of all your prayers. We are so thankful for all of you and can't wait to get back home. My family is here, but "our family" is there. We miss you all so much.
Someone asked if we needed to bank blood for Carter and the answer is no, but thanks for being so willing. We also do not know of anything we need done at home or around the house but thanks to all who have called to ask. We love you all.

for the whole family

Roller Coaster Ride

2008-05-06T21:12:00.011-05:00

Sorry it has taken so long for an update, Mike and I are really in a state of shock and did not want to write and face reality. Reality is that the tumor is cancerous. Aghhh.... I hate that C word. This is something that a parent should never have to face, especially when we are talking about a baby that is not even 1 year old. The surgery went really well, they were not able to get all of it, but did get most of it. It was attached to the aorta and could not cut it from there because he would have bled to much. The tumor was the size of a ping pong ball which is pretty big for a little boy. He did have to get some blood when he was in surgery because he lost more than they wanted him too. The oncologist was not in the hospital today so we don't know a lot of answers because she has to answer our questions about the cancer and what to do from here. She will be in tomorrow and I will update when I know. If anyone has questions feel free to ask because maybe its something we haven't thought about but should. When we first saw Carter after surgery it was a little more than we could handle. We took pictures because we thought if we had to see it, all of you should too. Isn't that nice of us!

We are very overwhelmed because all of this has happened in the last 5 days. Our emotions are so crazy right now we don't even know what to think.
Carter has already gotten his breathing tube out, and looks much better. He is doing very well breathing on his own and will probably get out of PICU in the morning.
Mike and I are staying in a parent room here at the hospital tonight.
Please pray for a good night rest for all of us, a good report from the oncologist, and quick healing from the surgery.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and encouraging comments, please don't stop!!

Update

2008-05-06T15:25:00.002-05:00

Carter is still in surgery. They let us know that he would be done around 4. The surgery started at 2, even though they took him in at 12:45. Please pray that they get all of the tumor. If they don't get all the tumor he will probably have to have chemo to shrink it and then they will try to remove the rest later. I can really feel all of your prayers. Mike and I have been playing cards with my family to help the time go by faster. We really have a peace that could not come from within, but from our heavenly Father. They told us he will probably still have the breathing tube after surgery for a few hours, pray they have no problem taking it out. Thank you for all the comments, we really feel loved and enjoy knowing you are all thinking of us. I will update as soon as I can to say how the surgery went.
Love,

Carter's in Surgery

2008-05-06T13:09:00.005-05:00

Gina just called and asked me to post an update. Carter is in surgery this very moment. He went in at 12:45, and the surgery will last anywhere from 2 to 4 hours. Keep praying!

Gina's friend, Jenelle

Today is the day

2008-05-06T08:06:00.001-05:00

I just talked to the hospital and they want us to come now. They may do the surgery earlier than noon, which is fine because I just want it over. I know so many are praying for us and I really appreciate it. Carter is a little mad because we can't feed him but I think he will fall asleep on the way to the hospital. I will update as soon as I can. Love you all!

Surgery Scheduled

2008-05-05T17:21:00.002-05:00

We went to the hospital today thinking we were going to be admitted, but we weren't. They said they hadn't scheduled the surgery but it would be sometime this week and Carter was on the list. He had to get another chest x-ray and his lungs looked clear. We got home and decided that Evan could come here until Carter has surgery and we told him he would see mommy and daddy tomorrow. Then the doctor called... The surgeon just called and said surgery would be tomorrow! That is good and bad, good because we want it done, bad because I wasn't expecting it. This whole thing has been a roller coaster ride. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRAY for my baby. The surgery will be between 12 - 1 in the afternoon. It will take around 2 hours, and he will have to stay in the hospital for 5 days. He will have chest tubes because of where they have to make the incision and it will effect his lungs. They will remove the chest tubes when they are sure there are not leaks in his lungs. I can't explain to you how scared I am. I know Carter is going to be fine, he is such a little fighter but its still so hard. Continue to pray for Evan because he is so sensitive, and I know he doesn't understand what is going on. I don't want him to think his mommy and daddy abandoned him. I will post in the morning to let everyone know for sure when we have to be at the hospital and what time surgery is.
Thanks again for all your prayers and support during this crazy journey.

11 months old!

2008-05-05T11:57:00.003-05:00

I can not believe Carter is 11 months old today. He sure has put us through a lot in the past 11 months but we wouldn't trade our time with him for anything in the world. We are getting ready to go back to the hospital, my emotions are going crazy today. The closer we get to knowing answers, the more scared I get. I know I have written about being scared and nervous, but I want you all to know we do have faith in our great God, but a parent can never be ready for something like this. Pray for our nerves and that we do not let the enemy steal anything from us. We know the Lord will take care of our precious son. Also pray for Evan, it broke my heart to talk to him this morning and listen to him tell me he wanted to go home. He is having a blast with my aunt, but he really misses his mom and dad. We really miss him too.
I will update more as soon as I can.

Pictures

2008-05-04T21:38:00.007-05:00

I just wanted to post some pictures of Carter. This is from yesterday of him in his cage.

He was actually very happy in it.

This is from about a month ago, but I thought it was cute.

Getting to fine

2008-05-04T13:35:00.009-05:00

I have a million thoughts in my mind, but not really sure what any of them are. Please pray for Mike and I. This is obviously not a situation we ever wanted to find ourselves in. We don't want to be here, and we don't want to do this! We have no doubt that Carter is going to be fine, but we want to get to fine. Getting him to fine is going to be the hard part. Even if all they have to do is surgery, we still don't want our baby to have surgery. The doctors think his tumor is neuroblastoma. I'm not sure what that is exactly, basically it has something to do with his nervous system and the cells tend to cluster together. This is the best kind of tumor to have so we are praying that that's what it is. To be honest I am having a hard time being hopeful. We were very hopeful that it was just a cyst and now its hard to be positive about anything else.

Carter has been a very happy boy today. It is so wonderful to see him smile. On Wednesday (just one day before we found out he had a mass) I was at a bible study and I had mentioned how I often forget to thank God for the miracle of my children, and how I am so thankful they are healthy because there are so many sick kids. I feel its really ironic that I mentioned that while my son had a tumor growing in his body. Also at that bible study we had prayed for a friend that has breast cancer, someone mentioned that we often look for big miracles but we miss the little ones. Obviously one big miracle would be for the tumor to just disappear or for it to be nothing serious, however there have already been miracles I would like to share with you.
Miracle #1: On Friday I couldn't feed Carter until after the CT scan, and he was a very good boy! He was so wonderful all day and I couldn't have asked for a better baby.
Miracle #2: We got to St. Louis in good time and with no problems.
Miracle #3: Evan is staying at my aunt's house and is having such a great time. Praise the Lord for a wonderful family. Evan can be difficult sometimes, but he is adapting very well.
Miracle #4: They let us leave the hospital. Mike and I can not tell you how glad we are we got to come to my grandmas. Its so much easier to be here than at a hospital.
When things like this happen you tend to view life a little differently. We are trying to figure out how God wants to use us during all of this.

Please pray for: good rest tonight, many answers to all our questions at the hospital tomorrow, Evan to not miss his mommy and daddy, healing for our baby, and lots of peace.
We really appreciate all of our friends and family.
Please post comments, we love hearing from our friends. We really thrive on hearing from all of you and knowing that you are praying for our boy.

At Nana's

2008-05-03T19:02:00.003-05:00

We were able to leave the hospital and go to my grandmas. They can not do anything with Carter, or tell us anything else before Monday so they decided we could take him "home". Carter has to be back at the hospital Monday at 1p.m. and they will probably admit him. They will know more about what to do with him on Monday. We are pretty sure they will be doing surgery on Tuesday to get the tumor out. I won't know anything else until Monday, and then I will hopefully know a lot more. I feel better about being at my grandmas. I would rather not know anything here, then not know anything at the hospital. Hospitals are no fun! Please pray for the Doctors who will be working with Carter, that the tumor is not on his spine, and that it is not cancerous. We appreciate all of your prayers. We love you all.

Saturday, May 3

2008-05-03T12:54:00.002-05:00

Well, I don't really know where to start. This blog was set up for us by my wonderful friend Jenelle. She also wrote the first post. Mike and I want to thank all of you who have been praying for us and our sweet baby boy. This is so incredibly hard for us, and we want to use this blog to be real and to update our friends on how to pray for us. We have met with ALOT of doctors and have been given more information than we can digest. Carter had a CT scan at St. Johns on Friday that showed there was a 5.5cm tumor in his chest, behind his heart. They immediately sent us to Cardinal Glennon Children's Medical Center in St. Louis. We chose to go to St. Louis because this is where my (Gina) family is. Evan is with my aunt and is having a GREAT time. Evan does have a stomach bug so he cannot come to the hospital to see us but we will arrange to see him tomorrow if need be. There is a chance we will get to leave the hospital and go to my grandmas and then come back later this week for surgery. Carter had another CT today to see if there are any tumors in his stomach, the surgeon just came to talk to us and he doesn't think there are any more but radiology will have to confirm that. It sounds like they will do surgery sometime this week and remove the whole tumor. This is not definite but a big possiblity. We are SOOO greatful for all of our friends and family who have been praying for us. We can not express how much we appreciate all of you. We will try to update as much as possible as this will be easier than trying to call everyone. Please feel free to call us or send us e-mails if we can't talk we will tell you.

Pray!

2008-05-02T23:10:00.001-05:00

Carter (and his poor, stressed parents!) needs your prayers. Carter was admitted to the hospital on Thursday with pneumonia. When the doctors did a chest x-ray, they discovered a mass in his chest. He had to spend the night in the hospital and go to Springfield for a CT scan Friday morning. It turns out, the mass in his chest is a tumor that's taking up about half the space in his chest cavity. Carter and his family were sent to St. Louis Friday evening to Cardinal Glennon Children's Medical Center for tests. Everything is kind of up in the air right now until more tests are done. Carter will most likely have to have surgery, hopefully Monday.

We have faith that the tumor does not have any cancer, but Carter still will have to have surgery, so he needs prayer! Pray that the tests go well. Pray that this situation is resolved quickly and easily. Pray that Carter doesn't have to be poked and prodded too much. Pray that the family will all be able to get some sleep in strange beds! Pray for Mike and Gina to stay strong (and sane). Pray for Carter's brother, Evan, who's only four and bound to get confused before too long. Pray! Pray! Pray!